Today I expose a very personal, for a long time private time and part of my life in “Water fasting Day 5”
Getting into negative emotions, thought patterns, beliefs and how to accept love and growth through them.
I hope you enjoy it much!
Going to give transcribing a shot, let me know what you think! 🙂
ok I may add a few little tid bits and edit a bit too haha :)….
Im sitting on a ant hill!! Oh my I hope that doesn’t get me!
Day five still alive still kicking and breathing, of course I am day 5 is nothing..
Ive been allot more restful the last 24 hours, went to bed early. Felt pretty tired yesterday actually, and a little bit grumpy.
A little grumpy!!
Its been a while since I’ve been really grumpy and I was on the border of pretty grumpy. That makes allot of sense actually as days 3, 4, and 5 going through allot of deep tissue cleaning. I had already gone through all of the contents of my intestine and bowels in days 1 -3, max 4, metabolizing the leftovers and residues which can be quite intense.
We did a awesome Tibetan Bowls session up at the yoga platform here with Brian Calvi of The Farm of Life . It was amazing, the tibetan bowls, there is 7 of them each attuned to resonate in the frequency of a individual chakra. Going through a bowl session each is “played” or “rung” in a specific, or intuitively led order to help awaken, revitalize, balance and stimulate ones auric field. It can be quite relaxing or stirring depending on the session. A awesome meditative practice bringing one deeper into the self, a great practice at the farm. A good half hour session with the bowls, thanks Brian.
Today I wish to talk a little bit about Do Do….. Elimination sorry. Elimination. The first two days I had one, the third day I had two, I didn’t have any on the fourth day, then today on day five I had a really stinky Do Do…. elimination. It was big, it was kinda gross. That pretty normal though, I’ve done allot of fasts and its pretty much the same kinda flow that usually goes. Moving out the old making room for the new. That’s how she goes.
I am not a advocate of Enemas nor colonics, preferring to allow the body to move at the pace and in the manner it sees best. There are some dangers and flaws in thought with the “Enema cure” IMHO, something I will dedicate a whole post to in the future.
I also want to talk a little bit about Thoughts. You maybe wouldn’t guess it, but you probably should guess it…
Its not always bright sunny rainbows and sunflowers and all that kind of stuff. Everyone has dark thoughts and feelings at times, maybe only the enlightened masters don’t. Or who knows maybe more accurately they do but simply do not grasp on to those thoughts instead they see them, accept them, love them and let them pass.
This just brings me to my last 24 hours, I had a little bit of a dark spell. I felt some emotions and had some thoughts that I haven’t had for a really long time. It has allowed me to look closer at those thoughts and feelings, seeing them, accepting them and attempt to give love to them. When you give love to things that people would typically shush away and try to cover up and repress, then you’ve worked through them. When you accept and love something it no longer has to consume you, or be a part of your life. You then can be free to choose a different reality as its all choice, joyous choice.
When I was younger, in my last few years of lots of alcohol, cigarettes, crappy foods and light drug abuse, including marijuana and magic mushrooms, I came to a place in those times where I became quite depressed. I really did start to hate myself, to the degree that honestly most nights I wished myself dead. I wished that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. When I was on flights I would pray that the plane would crash, I am not kidding! Its really Scary, but that really shows the lack of self love I was experiencing as well as the lack of love I felt for everyone else on the plane as in those moments I didn’t care, I was just like F#ck it all!
I just didn’t care, that was the state I had gotten to. I came to know that there are allot of people in that state. I started looking around at that time and found that allot of people weren’t really happy, they were just going through the motions. It seemed most people were actually quite depressed but at the same time they felt obliged to just keep on keeping on, I guess because thats what everyone else is doing.
When I found the raw food diet most of those symptoms went away really quick, within days. In fact within the first week of going 100% raw I felt so elated and so overjoyed with my life sitting in Bliss that it led to my knowing that this (Being a Raw Lifestyle Coach) was what I wanted to do full time. Even in my first week, my first month raw! When I went to nutrition school I had no plans to use my knowledge for anything other than for my own self, for skateboarding as well as my friends and family or if someone asked, but really just for my self.
When I went raw I was like Holy Mango, This is It!! It hit me so hard that I knew I want to spread this, I want to devote my life to to helping others feel and experience the blissful changes I did.
I remember sometimes actually feeling and saying aloud “I would rather die than do anything else” (work as a Raw food holistic lifestyle coach).
I’ve gotten a little off topic but whatever happens that’s how it flows grows and goes, all perfect, the best thing.
IN the last 24 hours Ive been having some of those old thoughts, you know not to the degree of wanting to off myself or anything but like to the extent of thinking, “Oh man I just want to quit everything and run away.” Just like “Everything is too much, there is so much going on” just getting out of the present, feeling overwhelmed with emotions, with toxemia floating though my body to be eliminated. I was feeling anxiousness inside me, some of that was creeping a back in, giving me another chance let it go.
I really just look at it like, as in any circumstance where we come into contact with someone feeling some emotions mirrored back to us, or as in this case as we bring them up in ourselves delving deep within, its just a chance to heal. A chance to see those issues, to see those beliefs, to see those judgements and fully be them, fully feel them with unconditional love and acceptance. I have been a bit more judgmental these last 24 hours blaming things outside of my self, why, cause its allot easier in the short term, but more challenging in the long term.
Really what does it do?, it gives you a chance to look at those thoughts, feelings and emotions to really see if they really fit your vision of your highest self.
To really just see that there is perfection in everything, everything is here for a reason. All these things are here, everything in this world is here for a reason. Every thought, every emotion, every action they are here for us to experience and to choose what our highest choice is. For us to choose who we want to be, what we want to create in this world. What we want to create within ourselves so it can be Without and all over. Everything that we Create within we eventually see and create without.
With that I am actually feeling allot better, allot of that has passed. The extra mega intense Do Do.. Elimination.. has helped clear allot from me. Putting focus on accepting and loving these emotions and feelings has helped move that stagnant toxemia and energy.
Just seeing all these judgments, or when we see “faults” (a misconception in the first place) in other people, or when someone aggravates you, or when you have some negative thoughts. Chose to see it , accept it, and love it.
Fully Love it!
Accept it, its just part of you. If you cant love all of you then your going to end up with some blockages. Thats just how it goes!!
So seeing it, accepting it, loving it and then letting it go then picking the highest choice, picking the choice that supports your highest self, supports who you want to be, what you want to create in this world.
That’s just what I have been feeling, what I am attempting in every moment to live up to myself.
Each moment anew, no need to think about the future, no need to worry about the past and whats happened.
Just right now, right here, creating yourself anew.
Creating your highest vision of yourself, living, loving, laughing, enjoying
Bless you very much,
day five, day five
see you tomorrow.